Having a Baby

I read all of the posts I could find before having Max. You know, the ones that say "11 things they don't tell you about having a baby" These pieces of writing are generally pretty accurate, but even after over preparing myself, I still wasn't ready. I think that until you experience it, you'll never be ready.

Honestly, sometimes I think about it so much I don't know why there aren't support groups for women who go through childbirth! I guess not everyone has a traumatic experience, so the memory of giving birth is just another day. But for me, having Max was BY FAR the hardest thing I have ever done. The result was also the most rewarding.

So here is a list of things that I wish I knew... like specifically for me. (And maybe it will help you, too!)

1. Don't engrain that due date too much in your brain.

September 1st was my due date. I kept telling myself that since every other pregnant person I knew in 2015 had their baby early, I probably would too. I was hoping for an August baby, but accepted that it could be early September as well. September 1st came and we went to my 40 week appointment. I cried my eyes out to the NP. I was SO sick of being pregnant and there was absolutely no sign that this baby was making his way anytime soon. I still didn't even know what a contraction felt like and I was barely dilated. We tentatively scheduled an induction date, but I was SURE that he would come before then, he had to, right? September 2nd... September 3rd... September 4th... September 5th... September 6th... September 7th... September 8th... 41 week appointment. Still not really dilated and no contractions. I did, however have an elevated blood pressure (I wonder why!) and I was sent for bloodwork. It came back normal, thankfully. FINALLY the evening of September 9th came and it was time for the induction. I thought that we would at least have a baby by September 10th, buuuuut.... NOPE.

Bottom Line: Do not set your heart on that due date. It essentially means NOTHING.

2. When you say, "Of course I'd be find with a C-Section if it's medically necessary" but really in the back of your mind you tell yourself that a C-Section won't happen to you, you are only fooling yourself.

I remember at my birthing class the teacher went around and asked us what kinds of things might happen that we weren't expecting. (Spoiler - NOTHING WENT AS EXPECTED) Many mommas said "C-Section" and I agreed. But I honestly, kept thinking to myself, "Sure. if we have to do that route, we will. But I doubt that's going to happen to me! I'm going to have a vaginal birth with a strong epidural. It'll be great! "

24 hours after I had arrived at the hospital to start my induction I was finally fully dilated and ready to start pushing. I hadn't slept in like 36 hours, I was starving and my anxiety was through the roof. I had gotten an epidural about 7 hours prior but the pressure and discomfort was still too much for me. I flipped out a little and told my nurse that I DID NOT WANT A C-SECTION. She reassured me and told me that I wouldn't have to as long as I started pushing right now. So I did the best I could.... and 3 hours later there was still no progress. I was beyond exhausted, I was nauseous and "throwing up" (but not actually because there was nothing in my stomach) and I was actually falling asleep in between contractions. My doctor came in and told me that we might need to opt for a C-Section because it was possible that this baby was not going to fit through my pelvis. Despite my previous panic attack about having a C-Section a few hours early, I agreed. I was so tired and uncomfortable. I wasn't thinking straight and all I wanted was to go to sleep and have this baby out! I pleaded with the anesthesiologist to put me out because I had so much anxiety, I thought I might die. (This sounds like an exaggeration, but if you have ever had anxiety before, you know what I mean.)

Bottom Line: YOU NEVER KNOW! Be prepared for a C-Section too. If you are the type of person who reads everything you possibly can on the internet, don't just google the heck out of vaginal births, you should probably research C-Sections, too.

3. Breastfeeding is HARD. And that's an understatement.

The first 24-48 hours after my C-Section are really fuzzy, but basically, my milk hadn't come in yet so we started using a nipple shield and a tube connected to a syringe. I was pumping colostrum every three hours and supplementing with donor breastmilk. This continued until we went home and once I was home I continued to pump every three hours and then it was fed to Max through the syringe/tube/nipple shield contraption. Two days after getting home, we went to a BF support group (because let's face it, I had no idea what I was doing.) They weighed him, I fed him (the LC wouldn't let me use the tube, just nipple shield) and then they weighed him again. They concluded that he wasn't getting enough and that I needed to continue to pump and supplement with that. We were told that we could use a bottle - LIFESAVER. I kept trying to stick him on, but it was either painful or he wasn't getting enough milk. We're talking like .5oz after 30 minutes. He had a tongue tie and lip tie procedure done to try to help. Still, my baby just could not seem to get enough milk. So I pumped. And I pumped and pumped and pumped. All day long. I was determined to give this baby EXCLUSIVELY breastmilk, even if I had to pump all of it. Eventually, I was exclusively pumping. I stopped trying to put him to the breast. I figured, if I was going to have to try to nurse him for 30 minutes, and then pump for 30 minutes and then feed him what I pumped for another 30 minutes, it would only be an hour before I would have to start the whole process over again. It just wasn't working.

Bottom Line: Breastfeeding wasn't AT ALL like I expected. It also was NOTHING like the way they explained it in my breastfeeding class.

4. Formula is OKAY.

Seriously, formula is not poison. I don't care what other Mommas might tell you. OF COURSE, breast milk is better, but honestly, formula isn't going to hurt your kid. I remember the day I went to the store and bought my son formula. Holy Cow, it was a game changer. Since I was exclusively pumping, I was constantly worried that I wouldn't make enough milk to get him through a whole day. Sometimes I had extra, and sometimes I didn't. When I introduced formula, I just used a little of it, but it helped me relax and calm down about making enough milk every day. And you know what? Since I was less stressed, I ended up making a lot more milk! Now at 7 months old, Max is getting 1/2 formula and 1/2 breastmilk. And I'm perfectly okay with that! He is too. He's happy, he's healthy and I will not feel guilty for giving him formula.

Bottom Line: FED is best. I wish I had realized the importance of this since day one. I wouldn't have flipped out when they tried to supplement with formula in the hospital.

5. Trust your Momma instinct.

Starting at about week 4 Max would scream and scream and scream during all of his feedings. We would take turns bouncing him vigorously in our laps on the exercise ball while giving him his bottles. Our backs ached, but it was the only way he would take it. He would take two sucks and then arch his back and scream. I wanted to scream, too. I couldn't figure out why my baby hated bottles so much! I started to dread feeding time. Then he started to cry all the time. Even when he wasn't eating. He slept okay at night, but WOULD NOT nap during the day unless someone was holding him. I knew something wasn't right. Thankfully, Max's pediatrician has a great messaging system and it was easy for me to message back and forth with her. We went in to see her, and he was diagnosed with GERD. (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease) He was put on Zantac and eventually Prilosec. When the prilosec finally started working (it took TWO WHOLE WEEKS) we couldn't believe what a different baby we had. We could actually sit down on the couch or chair to feed him. He was happier, and although he didn't nap very long, he was taking a few naps.

Wow, I feel like I could add more things to this list. But just reflecting on these five things are making realize how much I've learned in the last 7 months. Becoming a Momma will change you. I'm so thankful for the experience, and I really hope I can offer some wisdom and guidance to other new mommas, because everything is just so unexpected! I'm sure I have A LOT MORE to learn along the way... so if you have any other helpful Momma guidance feel free to pass it along!